you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
