Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
