Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Never underestimate the power of titties
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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