Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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