just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
