No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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