If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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