when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
