You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
