she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
