Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
