Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
