Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
