South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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