My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
