the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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