that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
