Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
