It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
