So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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