He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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