Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
