38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You are the jesus of drinking
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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