Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
