Pappa wants mamma naked
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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