so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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