I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
