I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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