I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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