I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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