if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
