i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
