lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can you bring me the toilet please
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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