Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
