I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
