New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
