I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
