Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
