you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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