Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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