Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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