Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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