Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
