Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
