we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
should my penis look like a turkey
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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