somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
