Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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