giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
