I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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