today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
